Powered Up: Writer tests body and mind on energy drinks

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Finals are coming to a campus near you!  Students frantically run about, flailing their arms in panic and studying late at night until their eyes slam shut.  Powered by the stimulant caffeine, students can only hope to stay awake during this testing time. But which one is best?  James Striplin, loyal Java Jitters customer, will go through the challenge of drinking these various poisons so that you don’t have to.  Don’t try this at home.

ROCKSTAR

This energy drink won’t make you famous, but it does have the power to wake up even the most exhausted student.  It takes about ten minutes to chug this drink, and is reliable for up to two hours of hyperactive fun.  Not only does it make you want to jump, dance, and scream, but it also reawakens your mind and is particularly useful at helping the drinker accomplish the task at hand.  It should be noted that though useful, Rockstar has a strong sour taste that makes it a burden to finish off and crashing is a slow, enduring process.

SOBE: NO FEAR

Very similar to Rockstar in many qualities, Sobe’s No Fear is only noticeably different in taste.  It has a lighter flavor that makes it easier to finish off without barfing.  It also has a tendency of lasting longer then Rockstar.  On the downfall, it is more likely to upset the stomach when compared to other energy drinks, making any user slightly gassy.

STARBUCKS: DOUBLESHOT

Its easy to become sick of carbonated energy drinks, considering the way they affect our bodies and often leave us bloated.  Starbucks took advantage of this, and decided it would be a great idea to blend their coffee with various energizing ingredients.  As a tasty treat this combination is fine, not so much true as an energy drink.  Doubleshot gives off a small boost of energy that doesn’t last long and when this energy disappears it causes the body and mind to spiral into slumber.

MONSTER

This energy drink has truly earned its name.  Like swallowing a wild animal, this drink will tear you from the inside out.  First it lures you in with a sweet taste, which becomes overwhelming and your lips will begin to pucker.  Then you begin to have stomach aches, mostly from having gas. Concentrating is nearly impossible, and you become dizzy while crashing.  On the bright side, if you can handle the side effects,  the power from this energy drink will last a long time.

AMP

Like most energy drinks, Amp attempts to increase energy and flavor without killing you.  Nothing here is special, though, and it really is just another energy boosting beverage.  It will slightly irritate your stomach and make it hard to concentrate.

AMP ELEVATE

Giving Amp another chance, one can find Amp: Elevate on campus.  The label on the can states that this form of Amp will help you focus thanks to L-Theanine.  Elevate can’t help you focus any better than the next energy drink, but at least it doesn’t cause you to be distracted.  If anything else, it receives credit for having the taste of mixed berries.

WRITER’S CHOICE: RED BULL

Only one word can describe Red Bull, Potent.  Is it the strongest energy drink on the market? Not at all, but it’s probably the strongest energy drink commercialized.  It can give you the same burst of energy of a 15 oz. can from an eight oz. dosage.  It is so strong, that by drinking just one vessel you can feel your heart pump blood throughout your chest and limbs.  Red Bull is more likely to give you a heart attack before it will give you wings.  Though lethal as Red Bull feels, it does have a lot of benefits.  It produces a lot of energy in a short time.  An 8 oz. container of Red Bull can be downed in under 5 min. and last longer than two hours.  The best part of Red Bull is that crashing is mild, and can be summed up as bearable.