A bad apple

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Popular ‘Twilight’ series is a box office hit, but lack of plot depth, character development at core leaves sour taste

When you’re a writer and Stephen King declares “you can’t write worth a damn,” I’d think about finding a new profession.

Stephenie Meyer, creator of the ridiculously popular vampire romance “The Twilight Saga” has now sold millions of copies of books, which in turn has become a film series destroying the box office.

The success of the series has never been questioned, what has been is the quality in terms of literary prowess and storytelling.

It would be easy to follow down Kings’ path of criticism with purple prose (overly extravagant or flowery language) especially when concerning how “perfect” Edward is described in the book.

“He lays still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare,”writes Meyer.

But instead our target of discontent shall be in the storytelling itself.

The biggest and most apparent flaws that hold this series down like an anchor are:

1. The characters are similar caricatures with no real depth, we never really get to know these characters in any meaningful way.

Bella has no character simply because she’s a classic Mary Sue, a character meant to be no more than an avatar for the reader, with little to no personality to overpower the readers projections, while the two male leads acting little more than objects of affection.

All the while we are never shown any genuine emotion other than angst.

We’re told these characters are in love but it’s never shown in a realistic or meaningful way.

2. The danger of mingling with the forbidden is undermined constantly with Meyer’s additions to the vampire and werewolf myths.

These are supposed to be cursed beings.

Edward talks about how he doesn’t want Bella to become like him but we’re never really shown what’s so awful about it.

Being a vampire in this universe would actually be pretty awesome.

Your body becomes like marble, you have none of the weaknesses of traditional vamps, you get individual superpowers like an X-Men, and you have an awesome sense of fashion.

Seriously, though, shining a light on a vampire shouldn’t result in him or her turning into a disco ball with the Bee Gee’s “Night Fever” playing in the background.

Given this franchise, it’s surprising that rainbows don’t shoot out of the wereolves bellies like a Care Bear.

3. Pacing and story progression in general has always suffered in the series.

Little happens for the vast majority of the books’ length.

The first two books essentially consist of 15 chapters of people awkwardly staring at each other until the plot finally decides to show up.

By then it’s too little too late.

“Eclipse,” the third book in the series, gets points for having a plot.

The final book, “Breaking Dawn,” will be split into two films to cover its story, which is similar to a prolonged version of the scene in “Willy Wonka” when the characters go down the tunnel and suddenly the sweet family film takes a sharp left turn and becomes some psychotic LSD induced student film.

The story goes places that defy logic.

Ironically teachers now have begun making students read the series as an example of how not to write.

One can only hope that the hype dies out soon enough so people can come to their senses.

Sparkling Vampires! Really?