What’s wrong with people? Old people: Nice or nuisance?

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Ah the elderly; sweet little old ladies knitting blankets for their grandchildren and the men playing chess or dosing off in front of the TV. This is usually most people’s perception of what they are like. But there is another side to the old.

For one, you can’t tell them anything. Because they have been alive before dinosaurs walked the Earth, they automatically know everything and you will never be right — even when you are right.

An older person driving is deadly. It scares me when I see an elderly person shuffling to their car.

They endlessly fumble for their keys to unlock the door and by the time they finally manage to actually get in the car, small countries have changed their name — twice.

Now they’re on the road, nearly blind puttering along at 20 miles per hour in a 40 zone. They are an accident waiting to happen.

Because they have had so many life experiences they automatically assume that you want to hear their life story. Oh you don’t? Too bad because they will tell you the same three stories every time they see you, usually for over an hour.

And not one of these ever turns out to be remotely interesting. They always seem to forget the good stories or leave them out (as if they weren’t teenagers once).

They take forever in the grocery store. I know they are not spring chickens, but a trip to the store usually takes over an hour for three items. They can’t read labels, can’t reach items and don’t understand why they can’t use expired coupons.

They only buy three items in one trip because that’s all they can carry, never mind they’ll be back at least four more times within the week.

Then it takes them another twenty minutes to get out their wallet and count out the change (usually twice after losing count) to the exact cent.

The elderly are always on the lookout to call the cops. They are constantly calling for anything from their paper not coming to a neighbor kid being on their lawn. Are you kidding me? 99% of their calls are non-emergency related and tie up the line for when something important like oh, I don’t know, a robbery, a fire or a murder could happen! But those will have to wait because an old lady’s cat is stuck in a tree.

Old people are rude. There I’ve said it. I’m now probably one of the most hated people ever. Well sue me because it’s true.

The elderly pretend they have no concept of taking turns.

They jump in front of others in line, interrupt servers at restaurants because their needs are more important and they prod people with their canes and walkers.

Seriously what’s wrong with people?