The dangerous quest for the worst movies ever

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It seems every time a new movie comes out there is always one person who says: “That was the worst movie I’ve ever seen.”

When I hear that I can’t help but think that phrase has lost all weight and resonance. People really haven’t seen truly terrible movies.

So when a movie aficionado like me is asked to find his personal worst movies he’s ever seen, all I can do is look back in woe to these 90-minute to two-hour wastes of film and time I will never get back.

To quote  author R.L. Stein: “Viewer, beware, you’re in for a scare!”

‘TRANSFORMERS 2: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN’
When you are a movie buff like me you think you develop a sixth sense in terms of which movies will be good and which ones won’t.

I thought the first “Transformers” was idiotic fun and the sequel, at first glance, looked to be about the same. How wrong I was.

This two and a half hour borefest was less interested in giant robot fights and moron nonsense, including racist stereotypes, robot heaven and giant robot testicles.

THE WORKS OF JASON FRIEDBERG & AARON SELTZER
These writer/directors represent the very worst of comedic filmmaking.

Each and every one of their films ranging from “Disaster Movie” to “Meet The Spartans” are 90-minutes of whatever fads existed in the last few months then shove them into a movie with no comedic intention. It’s just there so someone in the film can point and go “Oh look Lady Gaga.” These films seem to be the ramblings of two nuts who watched Zucker Bros. flicks but didn’t understand why they were funny.

‘BIRDEMIC’ & ‘THE ROOM’
I know there are people who find these movies are funny but I find these two to be victims of overconfident self-important “artists” trying to make a film that is deep and profound.

It’s embarrassing on all counts: acting, plotting and not-so-special effects. These films are fun to watch with people who are watching for the first time, with looks that scream: “This isn’t for real, right?”

Scariest part of this story is that I didn’t include “Twilight.” What does that tell you?

— Chris Howze

‘MAGIC MIKE’
Male strippers and hot bodies, what more can an audience ask for?

How about acting that isn’t lousy?

Once again Channing Tatum gets by on his body instead of actual talent, which he defiantly lacks.

I know that not every actor is known for there acting. I mean look at the sex symbol Marilyn Monroe. But lets be honest, Tatum is no male version of Monroe.

This movie Band-Aids the horrible acting for hot bodies, but any true moviegoer can look past that glitz and glamour.

I would scratch out my own eye balls before I have to sit through another hour and a half of Tatum trying to look dramatically deep and Matthew MacConaughey trying to show the world he’s hip and sexy.

I like my movies with quality and Magic Mike lacks that to the max.

‘HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL THE MOVIE’
This movie was the beginning of the end to what qualifies as a great musical.

The theme of being yourself is always a great point to get across to today’s youth, but does it really have to come in the form of song and dance?

The premise of the entire film lacks creativity in itself.

I don’t know what genius thought it was ok to make a high school musical about a high school musical and then feed that crap to our youth, but it’s not ok.

It is literally the embodiment of where musicals go to die

‘BUG’
A love story between two tweekers stuck in a motel for fear that there are bugs in their skin.

It was directed by William Friedken who did “The Exorcist” and I guess in some ways I can see how this movie can be poetic, of how love can literally drive a person crazy and cut of all connection to the outside world.

However, the movie was jam packed with paranoia and over-the-top performances.

The whole movie was based around the two characters screaming at imaginary insects under their skin with non-existent government issued helicopters flying over their aluminum foil-draped hotel room.

At the end, you sit scratching your head, in shock that you watched this whole movie only to see the two nutjobs off themselves.

— Andrea Masuret

  • SlickRick209

    What about Cabin In The Woods? that movie was the biggest waste of time ever