Argumentative behaviors are subject to change, do not get stuck in old ways


If I happen to find myself in a situation where an argument is evolving, I’m going to be taking flight and not fight; it might be because I don’t like conflict, but I also don’t believe in wasting my energy on people and their problems.

However, I do believe that as human beings, we all need to take steps towards being more self-aware about the type of people we are and show to the world.

The way I argue is through a state of avoidance.

While taking an interpersonal communication class here at delta during fall 2017, one of the focus points was learning about what type of argument style fit you best.

There were three to learn about and while learning about them, it was emotionally hard to compare my personal life to them since I had to realize I wasn’t as open minded as I thought I was.

The three conflict management styles are avoidance, competitive/distributive and collaborative/integrative, which were found from “Interpersonal Communication Building Rewarding Relationships,” by Melissa Bekelja Wanzer, Kristen Campbell Eichhorn and Candice Thomas-Maddox.

People who often avoid or deny having a problem, like myself, tend to not get a lot of problems solved.

I often find myself changing the subject and acting noncommittal, or even start joking when a conversation about issues comes up because  I would like to live in a world where I don’t upset anyone, or at least know about it and I’m sure there are others like me out there.

I’m aware not everyone is like me and that’s the beauty of humans, but I have a lot of respect for those who argue to win.

These are the fighters,not the flyers.

Individuals who are aggressive and uncooperative are looking to achieve their goals at the expense of others. This competitive/distributive characteristic  is the mentality winners gravitate towards., and they will do or say anything to make sure they win the argument.

To win, people will typically say hostile remarks, have jokes, may criticize others and even raise their volume, unlike people who avoid tend to be a little quieter.

This hostile approach can make a conflict worse, by hurting the other party’s feelings or ending up in a situation where words can’t be taken back. It is situations like this where friendships and other relationships can come to an end.

Collaborative/integrative people are my favorite.

Collaborative and integrative personalities are open minded and have an ongoing flow of open communication. If I do say stay in a conflict (which is once in a blue moon), I’m aware that this is how I would handle it.

This is a “we both win” type of style and it lets me  see the other person’s point of view.

Next time you find yourself in a conflict, think of the type of style you most relate to, but also remember to collaborate. Damaging a relationship over a conflict that can be resolved is something that needs to be avoided. While avoiding the conflict in general is not a great idea either.

I think it would save so many people the stress of having daily arguments when they can be understanding and come to a commonality.