By Christina Goodman
Headline: Writer considers what she would tell her younger self
Editor’s Note: This article contains recollections suicidal ideation. If you are someone experiencing something similar, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 988.
I am far from the rude, know it all and being a smart mouthed teen that I used to be. Turning my life around was the best for me.
Looking back and thinking about all I’ve been through wishing that I can turn and talk to the younger me.
I want to go back to before everything had happened. When I was genuinely happy and was able to enjoy being a kid.
Just to give myself a warning on what’s to come and to let myself know that you’re going to make it.
Growing up was not easy for myself, and I always felt like I wasn’t good enough, as if everything that happened to me was my fault. It got to the point I didn’t want to be alive, thinking everything would be better if I wasn’t there.
It seemed as if everything was coming at me all at once and I could never catch a break, from my grandmother’s death, to child abuse and being placed in a home with someone who treated me and my sister wrong.
And all this happened to me before I was 10.
That led into me being a teenager acting up by selling weed and even landing me in jail at 18.
I feel like I can go back and talk to the younger me and give me the hug I needed growing up.
To fill the void that was in my head of feeling I’m the reason why everyone keeps leaving me and doesn’t want to be around me.
I would tell myself that I am worth it.
To keep being yourself and not worry about what others think of you.
I would tell myself that it may seem like the world is against me, but it’s not.
Let her know that you have to keep your faith, keep going and to keep my head up. Life is going to be hard and it seems as if everything is coming at you at once, but you will handle it well.
Let people talk all they want — what they say doesn’t matter because it’s not true.
Don’t fold, and don’t give in to what’s coming at you.
Remember everything that Papa and Meme taught you because it will help you in life.
