Women are breaking stigmas surrounding motherhood by putting their physical, mental and spiritual health first.
“Women are often socialized to put other people’s wants and needs before their own, which can be an easy pattern to continue in motherhood,” said Heidi McBain, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in coaching moms and moms-to-be, in a March 2023 interview with DFW Child, a parenting magazine based in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.
In a 2018 study conducted by the food company Welch’s, 2,000 American moms of children aged five to 12 were surveyed. Results found that the average working mom clocks an average of 98 hours a week between work and caring for her family which is about the equivalent of having two-and-a-half full-time jobs.
Whether you’re a working mom, a stay-at-home mom or somewhere in between, the demands of motherhood can be mentally and emotionally consuming, making it difficult for some mothers to maintain their selfhood while bearing the responsibilities of being a parent.
Bykema Mobley, a business owner and a mother to two toddlers, ages one and four, described how motherhood has inhibited her from making time for herself.
“I don’t have time to think about myself. My priorities are to be with them 24/7,” Mobley said.
Mobley realized she was having an identity crisis when she couldn’t go to the grocery store by herself because her son was crying and only wanted her. An identity crisis is defined as a period of uncertainty or confusion in a person’s life when their sense of identity becomes insecure and unstable.
“I can’t just go to the store, I can’t just be by myself?” said Mobley.
Her breakthrough made me realize that hitting rock bottom is essential to building character, and questioning ourselves helps us explore our feelings, beliefs, opinions and ideas.
Many women experience an identity crisis after having children because they’ve become accustomed to being providers and caregivers, causing them to lose sight of who they were before having children and who they are after having children.
These feelings aren’t usually publicized, as women with children are often criticized for speaking openly about the downsides of motherhood that aren’t often talked about, thus leaving them to feel like it’s “taboo” to speak about the challenges of being a parent.
“That’s why it was so hard for me to say it was hard,” said Maryanna Taylor, a cosmetology student and a mother to a 10-year-old boy, after describing how societal expectations have made it difficult for her to openly express the challenges of being a parent due to her fear of being negatively perceived as a “bad mom.”
Motherhood is a never-ending cycle of regrouping, relearning and repeating.
“To go forward I had to go backward, and think about who I was before I was a mom,” said Taylor. “We have to take those times to get to know ourselves so we can understand our authenticity.”
While soul searching played a big role in Taylor’s journey to finding her individuality, Mobley encourages women to find others who provide support. “Find your village. It takes a village and there’s no way around that. Find people with like-minded interests and goals and be a part of mom groups,” Mobley said.