Unlearn how to be a people pleaser or pushover to those who take advantage of your kindness in 2026. Strap in and get ready to enter your villain era. While this doesn’t mean to live a negative lifestyle, prioritising yourself needs to come first — even if it may seem like a foreign concept to some.
People deem those who value their own time and energy as selfish. But sometimes it’s OK to be selfish because only you are going to accomplish your goals and necessities.
Setting boundaries
- Prioritizing those who prioritize your time equally
- If you’re not invited, then don’t invite either
- Not apologizing for filling your time or rearranging your schedule for others if they don’t plan ahead. You are not just open availability for others.
- Stop asking for permission to be yourself, if your personality isn’t liked then you don’t need to surround yourself with those people.
- Don’t chase people just to be the problem in their story. If you have to beg to explain your point of view then they didn’t really care to hear what you had to say in the first place.
For a long time you were so selfless. In order to help others you have to help yourself first, there are going to be moments of yourself before others.
“People pleasers are super vigilant. They are constantly constantly reading, assuming, and guessing what other people are doing. What people pleasers don’t have is the ability to actually experience their own full scope of emotions, bodies, reactions, and things.” According to NPR Book of the Day “‘F*** Approval, You don’t need it!’makes the case against ‘people pleasers’” podcast by Chloe Veltman interviewing author Lizzie Moult on Oct. 2, 2025.
Moult shares her own personal experiences of prioritization of the needs of others before her own. She set up a women’s event and didn’t have a slot for her own speaking because she was focused on others more than herself.
“It’s not that, you know, when we end people-pleasing, we become selfish. It’s actually about fulfilling some of the things that we need to do as humans to thrive.” said Moult.
Empaths especially feel this one feeling bad hurting others feelings or constantly putting their feelings after others. Take responsibility, don’t get lost in other people’s lives because you lose yours.
Self-care
- Start saying NO, your time is a privilege not a right.
- Putting work into goals that better you
- Taking time to do things YOU like to do to fill your time.
- Burn bridges with people who compare your lives to each other, everyone runs a race at their own pace.
- Give as much of what’s given to you. Showing up for those who wouldn’t do the same for you just overexhausts you.
After an interview with psychotherapist Meg Josephson from San Francisco about the feelings of insecurity in relationships.
“When we sense danger, our nervous systems can respond in three ways: fight, flight or freeze. But some psychologists, like Ms. Josephson, believe that fawning is a fourth stress response. The term was coined by Pete Walker, a psychologist in Berkley, California, who has written about complex post-traumatic stress disorder. He defines fawning as a protective response developed in childhood as a reaction to trauma –an extreme form of people pleasing.”According to the New York Times article “How ‘Fawning’ Is Ruining Your Relationships” by Jancee Dunn on Aug. 6, 2025.
Be your authentic self
- Being grateful for the little things
- Not apologising for choosing yourself in situations where you weren’t
- Doing things with people who make you happy and get happy for you
- Pursuing your interests even if it’s different from the rest, you will be surrounded with people who understand or appreciate those differences.
- You have one life, just live it how you want.
Authenticity comes with casualties, when you realize how much people like you only for the person you try to be instead of your true self. You start to lose yourself and the reasons why you chose those people starts to feel less and less.
Delta College student Belen By Goytia, 30, sets the ways she uses self-care methods in order to better her life and herself.
“Self-care has become a very important part of my life now as a single mom with no partner. I can’t keep pouring into my son and myself if I’m not taking care of myself. There may be days when I just sleep, because I need it or there may be days when I am busy and making things happen.” said By Goytia. “Or I might go get myself a coffee and sit in my car and just listen to music to feel the energy flowing through my body. Self care is making sure you feel better than what you are actually feeling.”
By Goytia shares the meaning of entering her villain era and the actions she takes to accomplish that.
“Entering my villain era means I am not letting anyone or anything stop me from becoming what I want to become or achieve what I want to do. I am becoming unapologetic and I will not be sorry for what I may or may not say to someone.” said By Goytia. “That era of being nice and letting things slide has sailed away. I am a 30 year old woman, who’s also a mom to a handsome boy, and I will not tolerate anything that disrupts my peace, my happiness or my energy.”
Delta college student, Neilani Newsome, 23, sets boundaries in her life so she can prioritise her goals by creating plans to hold herself accountable.
“I set boundaries and prioritize my own goals by making conscious decisions by asking myself things like do I really want to do this or does this align with my goals? And I try to hold myself accountable, which includes sticking to my boundaries.” said Newsome.
Newsome shares her steps of protecting her goals in order to accomplish and achieve them.
“Entering my villain era means putting myself first more. I love helping people and doing things for others but there are things I haven’t done for myself that I’ve done for others. There are things I want to do for myself, that I have not done, and I want to do them. This year I am definitely doing more things I want to do and doing things that make me happy, as well” said Newsome.
Don’t let others make you feel like you have to cater or be the side character in their story. Be the villain. You’re the main character, so treat yourself like it. Be ready to reclaim your boundaries and your power.
